theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
