I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
