i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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