I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's the barista slut.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
