I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
