Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You did what with his pubic hair?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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