Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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