I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
