Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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