Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
