hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
