Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
