How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize