I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
