2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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