idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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