Are we in a gay sports bar?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
