Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize