she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I believe in your delicious
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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