Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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