I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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