True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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