C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
