youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
