Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
