Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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