dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
