All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
