I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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