I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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