During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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