How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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