At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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