I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
