you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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