if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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