sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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