Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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