if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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