I just saw a hot homeless man
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
