so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
