I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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