yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
