Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
