Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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