so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
