just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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