I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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