I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
