This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
