We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
