I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
