I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
did you just send me my own nude
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
