I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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