Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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