Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
