His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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