My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
