My liver just broke up with me...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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