found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
