Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
