Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
...so i touched it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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