Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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