He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
