You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
