You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
