those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
