the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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