My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
