I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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