you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
