drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
