Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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