is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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