I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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