I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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