you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
