She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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