so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
